Friendly but no-nonsense relationship and dating advice for women in their 20s and 30s, from the guy perspective. Come back for biweekly posts and "tips of the week." Skip to the advice...
Mar
27
Submitted by ethanfburke on Sun, 2011-03-27 13:22
Girlfriends are often the first people women turn to for relationship advice, and rightly so. Your girlfriends understand you better than almost anyone, they usually already know your background situation, and they probably have experiences that are similar to yours to draw on. But there's a critical element to giving good advice that girlfriends often lack: perspective. Not the "guy" perspective, necessarily, but the perspective of someone who is disinterested, someone who doesn't have a stake in saying what you want to hear or defending you even when you might be wrong. The best advice, in anything, comes from people who can say the hard things as well as the supportive ones. And any guy who's watched women give each other advice knows this can be a very hard thing for girlfriends to do for each other.
Consider the technique of asking yourself what you would think if you were in the guy's situation. If you've been anxious or clingy, chances are the guy in your life is sick of it; if you've been distant or behaving badly, chances are he's hurt or on his way out the door. But are these things your girlfriend -- who probably thinks the world of you, and has a very different relationship with you than your guy -- will be able to see herself? And if she can, will she be able to tell you? Probably not. So next time you're confused about what's going on in a relationship, or especially about what a guy is feeling, don't stop getting advice from your girlfriends, but don't be afraid to look elsewhere for a second opinion, too. It might just help you find out what's really going on.
