Patience

Friendly but no-nonsense relationship and dating advice for women in their 20s and 30s, from the guy perspective. Come back for biweekly posts and "tips of the week." Skip to the advice...

Apr

Submitted by ethanfburke on Sat, 2011-04-30 15:27

A lot of the inquiries I get from this blog are frantic: something has happened, something's changed, he's acting different, I have no idea what he's thinking, he's calling me one day and ignoring me the next... These things will make you crazy (and obviously do, since I get a lot of e-mails about them). But they don't have to. As impossible as it sounds, you have the ability to respond to a guy's mystifying behavior by stepping back, taking a breath, and, well, waiting a little. Sometimes your patience will reveal a lot about what's really going on, or what a guy's feelings really are. And since we tend to have a slower awareness of our own emotions, patience is a quality that guys have a ton of respect for. Which doesn't mean you should stand by and let a guy walk all over you in the name of being patient. But if you're feeling overwhelmed in the moment and uncertain what to do, you could do worse than wait just a bit, to see what the next moment brings.

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Tip of the Week: The Profile Picture

Wednesday, March 28, 2012 - 23:57

Although I talked about profile pictures in my recent post on guys and online dating, guy friends I've showed that post to have even more to say about the all-important profile picture. This can be a sore spot for guys, and a challenge for you; your profile picture(s) will do a lot to determine the level of online attention you get, but the offline risks of false advertising are high (your chances of success with a guy who thinks your pictures have misrepresented you are slim to none). So from my own expert panel, here are more tips on choosing the right picture(s) for your online dating profile:

Stay away from self-portrait photos (or at least go easy on them). You might feel you look good in portrait photos, but they tend to blend together quickly with others and quickly stop standing out.
Photos of you in action, socially engaged, or just doing something you enjoy are a great way to highlight your personality along with your unique look.
Make sure you're smiling in at least one of your photos, if not all of them. A lot of women use moody, serious photos, but to be honest these don't typically play well online. And besides, don't you want to be with a guy who makes you smile?
If you've got some good physical attribute(s) you'd like to highlight, definitely go with photos that do so tactfully, and perhaps have some other interesting aspect to the photo as well. If your photo is all about your boobs and it's clearly a self-portrait, then you are into shallow/ insecure territory. Sure some guys will go for it, and you'll certainly get a lot of messages, but the right guy will look at those photos and see signs of emotional instability, even if your boobs really are fabulous.
Even gorgeous, professionally done model photos are easily overdone. One or two may be ok, but 6 or 7 or more sexy model photos?? Give us a break! This is no better than insecure bathroom self portraits holding the camera at a weird angle and squeezing your boobs together.

At the end of the day, your profile photos will say more about you than you think, and looking perfect is probably less important than the message your photos send. Keep this in mind, along with the above tips, and your photos might just be the first step in connecting with the right guy online.

Patience

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