Basics from the Guy Perspective, Part 1: Happiness

The best way to be happy in a relationship is to be happy on your own. Period. If you're happy on your own, you're already well on your way to the goal most people are seeking in relationships -- increased happiness. And us guys are way more likely to want to get into something with you, or go further with you, if you're happy. Because if you know how to be fulfilled on your own, we don't have to deal with the unfair pressure of constantly keeping you fulfilled, and instead we can focus on enjoying our time together and building a real connection between two people.

But wait, you might ask: is it really unfair to expect a guy to make you happy? Isn't that the whole point of finding the right guy?

Most guys would say no. When we find the right woman and get smitten, obviously we'd love to feel that we are responsible for her happiness. Part of that early crush/infatuation stage of a relationship is the feeling that you're all someone needs to be happy. But outside of that stage -- both before and after it -- the truth is that we all still have the primary responsibility for making ourselves happy. As guys, we're raised to be emotionally independent, and having been brought up with this ideal, it only seems fair that the same should go for you, too.

There's an obvious advantage to living by this rule, which is that if you haven't found the right guy yet, you don't have to sit around waiting for him in order to be happy. Go take a hike, read a book, hang out with your girlfriends. Spend an entire weekend doing things that make you happy and don't involve meeting guys. You'll feel a lot better once you reinforce for yourself that you can be happy on your own. Plus, nothing is more attractive to us than a woman who already has her own thing going, who is open but not needy, who is smiling before you even start talking to her. Happy women are magnetic.

This week begins a "tip of the week" feature on the blog, which will highlight a small relationship tip from the guy perspective. And this week's tip is the perfect example of how to put this post into action: make yourself happy, and the right guy will follow.